I think one of the reasons behind why a lot of popular art is sad or melancholy is because we’re predisposed to look for people who’re worse off compared to us or who’re doing just as poorly as us. We don’t really want to hear how happy someone is or how great things are for them because it doesn’t really serve any purpose for us.

And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. But where I start to lose interest with dark or sad literature is when the sadness stops being a tool to push people into positivity and becomes instead a separate entity. Sadness for the sake of sadness.

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This may be hilarious, but for me it is a huge issue. I have the feeling that I attract people, but they somehow feel intimidated by me which makes me instantly act as if they were inferior to me. I am then too proud to make any move that could hint I am interested. Arguably enough, I grew up in Delhi where they cultivate your hubris as something honourable. I wish everyone was more daring with me, more challenging in conversations, but they seem only interested in jumping your bones rather than testing my mind.

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It’s not about making long term goals, it’s about how did you spent today, what are you going to do afterwards, how you are going to spent tomorrow, when are you going to wake up, what are you going to do with your free time, when are you going to erase those useless games on your phone? When are you going to stop watching so much T.V? When are you going to stop? When are you going to stop wasting time, you know, just chatting away or trolling? When are you going to stop? When are you going to hold yourself to a higher standard if not today?

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Yet I’m not to be blamed, It’s the sun, the meteors, the destiny, all responsible for my sins,
The weight of my sins, is heavier than the universe on one side,
Yet I wash them in rivers, eat them by starving myself, burn them through candles,
I’m clean, I’m not mean, I’m helpful, I’m not dreadful.
I define myself in the shadow of innocence of my guilt,
I pronounce,
I declare,
I surrender,
I’m an intellectual, profound, guilty, insane, agonizing and futile.
I’m fertile, my heart’s pure, my intentions are sure,
I’m determined to end myself, my race, my days.

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